thoughts on college no. 3

careening careening careening
carelessly
tasting creamy sweets
and unaccustomed to acrid bitterness

no rejection yet
all "you are accepted
you are wanted
you are needed
by the world"
but that's preposterous
in this world of
overachievers
or the ubiquitous
"leaders"
(like "harvard is for leaders" as
cambridge would quip)
what room is there for me or
for failure
what room is there for creeps
who have a home and have
no home
(o matres almae
what possibly can
this weird kid give you)

I wait for that
rejection
with dread and strange expectation

a slap to the face
is solely the method
by which to speak
to such a prick

what did Lewis say?
that pain is God's choice
megaphone?
I know the sound
the blast the boom
of that megaphone
it isn't safe but it is
good

Some Advice? from Screwtape

My family opened the first chapter of The Screwtape Letters last week for our daily morning read. I had read Screwtape before and didn't give my full attention to the read. At least, not until this part came up:

Above all, do not attempt to use science (I mean, the real sciences) as a defence against Christianity. They will positively encourage him to think about realities he can't touch and see. There have been sad cases among the modern physicists. If he must dabble in science, keep him on economics and sociology; don't let him get away from that invaluable "real life". But the best of all is to let him read no science but to give him a grand general idea that he knows it all and that everything he happens to have picked up in casual talk and reading is "the results of modem investigation".

Well, that was timely. Economics is my first choice course at DLSU, and I really haven't read science (does attempting to read The Structure of Scientific Revolutions count?). Lately, I've been wondering whether I should shift my interests to the sciences after realizing the apparently bleak situation of the liberal arts. Consequently, I've given economics, which still isn't a hard science, a high place among my preferred courses. (I've also finally decided to take up physics after a month of wondering whether I could escape high school without it.)

My mom was laughing for a good while, and I was shaking my head, shocked that Screwtape seemed to know my situation. (Perhaps that means another thing, too.)